pour my life into a papercup

DOWN WITH CHICKEN POX

2011-12-17T14:25:00.001+08:00

I came to realise that I had fever on last Saturday while working. Didn't feel very well when I was on the way there but I still get on with work. Nas "surprised" me at work and told me to go home, but I insisted on staying at work. Ate panadol while working and I thought I would feel fine. I did feel a little bit better when I came home that day so I just proceeded with my house chores. I thought I was just feeling tired so I didn't really care about my condition. Found red spots on my legs and arms the next morning, but I didn't really care so I just went back to sleep and didn't go to work. MORE SPOTS STARTED TO POP OUT WHEN I WOKE UP THAT DAY AND I SUFFERED UP 'TILL NOW. Some spots have already popped and I think they're going to leave some permanent scars on my body and limbs now. Sigh...

Stayed at home for a week now and all I do is play Battlefield 3 online on the PS3. Sucks not to be able to scratch your head like a freaking monkey and rub your body dry after a shower, and comb your hair from the scalp. ._.

2011-11-28T10:22:00.000+08:00

Was waiting for this thing to come up on my facebook for weeks and it did yesterday! Yep, our 1st anniversary was yesterday. The day was pretty normal because we didn't do anything special, which is sad. We're going to postpone our special date to another day, probably to this coming weekend, because we had work yesterday, which is very unfortunate to be working on a special day. But it's okay! $$ will come rolling in soon! Oh, I worked for an extra hour yesterday because N wanted to fetch me from work and he was late so............ yeah. Few extra dollars. Only. It's okay. It's still money.

2011-11-17T11:57:00.001+08:00

YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?! I'VE GOT A JOB NOW! IT'S AT PLAZA SINGAPURA! I'LL BE GETTING MY OWN PAY AND THEN I'LL BE ABLE TO PAY A BIT OF MY EXPENSES!

But since I've got a job now, I won't be able to spend as much time as before with N because I'll be working after school and weekends. And this Saturday is his, Syarm's and my stepbrother's performance for Mosh Party 7, hoping so much that I could make it for their performance. Couldn't ask for leave when I just started working, right? Ah damn!

And today is C.O.B's concert and I'm like WTF. Can't go for it! :'( Thought of gatecrashing but security would be strong today. WTF.

2011-11-12T15:51:00.001+08:00

I MISS YOU, TOM. :'(

2011-11-12T01:45:00.001+08:00

Doubt if I got readers here.................. This is like, dead.

2011-10-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

3:07pm AND I AM STILL MAD AFTER HAVING A SHITTY MORNING. WHAT THE FUCK.

2011-10-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

He drew these on my phone. Haha.

KENAPE KAU COMEL SANGAT?

2011-10-21T00:21:00.000+08:00

Step handsome

It's been quite a long time since the last time we had the whole night to ourself. We need tonight (since it's already past midnight) to spend our own time alone. Just us. :)
Hope everybody else would understand and just let us have this night. Even if it's only 'till midnight.

There's Halloween party at RP tonight, but I guess I'm giving it a miss. Already had a plan.

2011-10-19T15:09:00.001+08:00

When was the last time I updated this.............................

Short and direct

2011-10-03T02:19:00.001+08:00

We went home by the first bus in Bugis. My legs still hurts from all the walking we did yesterday. Walked in the rain. Went home soaking wet. Oh! And I do not suggest wearing boots or creepers if you think you're going to do a lot of walking. Poor feets.................... :(

"whats your gpa?"

2011-10-01T04:26:00.001+08:00

Whoever asked me that, asked the wrong person. Seriously, don't waste your time asking me for my GPA and compare with yours. I'm probably the dumbest person in any class that I could be in. I've always been disappointed with how my results turn out and also with myself because I don't really make that huge effort to score well. Or perhaps I have really high expectations. BUT, if i do get something good that I've expected, it's just probably due to luck. AND, one tip, pay attention in class. I do pay attention in class because I don't study and that's the only way I can get through my exams. Haha.

Oh and who the hell still ask me question(s) on formspring. I thought it's dead since forever!

Enough yapping. Random info of the day: I think I'm turning to be LAN freak all because of boypren because right now I want to go play some games with friends. :(

2011-09-30T02:44:00.002+08:00

Woah the new interface! o_oI hate how blogger don't remove my deleted posts from the dashboard. What the fuck? But who reads my blog anyway. Hah.

For you are the only one that can tolerate me.

2011-05-15T02:38:00.000+08:00

Girls are stubborn, irritating, confusing and much more. I don’t know how you can deal with it. We complain almost everyday about the littlest things. Some guys would get irritated and leave in a heartbeat, I would. I can’t even stand myself.

Got this from tumblr. It relates to me.

2011-04-17T05:51:00.001+08:00

For me, goodnight texts are crucial. I don't want them anywhere but my phone. I'll feel incomplete if I don't get them. So it has been 3 incomplete nights.. Or longer.

I guess he's just tired................. It's okay. I'm fine with that.

2011-04-14T05:58:00.000+08:00

It goes by "Learn to love yourself before loving others" or something like that, and a lyric that goes by, "... learn to treat the people I love like I wanna be loved". But if you treat people like how you want to be loved, isn't that like insincere? I thought you're supposed to love someone like how they are deserve to be loved? I don't know which to believe now but I definitely love him more than I love myself.

2011-04-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

I wonder if you ever punch your fist in the air and jump around knowing you got me.

2011-04-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

I have this problem. I can be a whole different person at different times. I have the angelic me, whereby I can be cheerful, suffer in silence, put others before me and I will not care what others have done to me and I have the so-called evil me whereby I will hurt everybody by being selfish and doesn't think about others but myself, and all I will ever think about is revenge. It's more than that actually. And whenever I did a mistake or hurt somebody, I will only have myself to blame even though I do it unknowingly. I really don't know how and who I really am. Whenever I get asked about myself, my personality, I get stuck. I will not be able to answer properly. I have to ask somebody just so I can answer it. And when I got into an argument, at one point I will be so mad at the person that I will try to make the person look like he/she is entirely at fault and at another time, I will apologize continuously and try to take all the blame and it doesn't matter if I got hurt.

I don't know. There's something wrong with me. I don't know if I should be blame for whatever mistake I did because I do it unknowingly. If I say I didn't do it/that isn't me, then who did it? It'll all comes down to me in the end. Is it reasonable enough if I were to be blamed for everything I did? I guess it is. I don't know.

Or is this all just fantasy...

2011-04-11T00:20:00.003+08:00

I hate to be the ugly friend.

I want to be perfect

2011-04-08T05:28:00.000+08:00

I'm such a useless disgraceful loser. I can't make N happy. I can't do anything right. I hate myself so much. I try so hard to be perfect for him but I always fail. Why do I always fail to be perfect? Why do I always fail to be everything he wanted me to be? I'm willing to lose myself just to be someone he wanted me to be. To hell with all the "Don't change for a boy" quotes! I love him and I want to change for him.

2011-04-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

This made me smile. I wish I'm there to watch him sleep. It's cute!

Anyway, I'm a good girl today. I cleaned the whole room and now it smells like lavender! I will be treating myself with Lontong and Caramel Custard pancakes. Yum! :9

2011-04-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

I think my editing skills are quite bad. Hahahahahahaha.

I met N yesterday (since it's past midnight) at town and I bought a skirt from Bershka. Can't find the perfect leggings tho'. :( I should try look for fishnets at Metro. They should have it.

2011-04-05T03:58:00.000+08:00

I met him at night at Somerset. Tried to buy some clothes but it was summer season and nothing really appeals to me. So I ended up with nothing but a single BBQ Turkey Bacon burger in my intestine. Had a good time after 4 days of not seeing this cutiepie. I should try to look for more items tomorrow.

I do get compliments about me being pretty and cute and all but I still don't find myself appealing in any way. I do see myself as a messy, ugly wreck. Lol. Perhaps I should stop wishing to look or have a life like somebody else. I should stop comparing myself to other girls. I should tell myself that the flaws I have are what defines me and N doesn't mind them. I am so glad to have met someone like N.

He understands my PMS too. <3

2011-04-04T03:26:00.000+08:00

Oh, the thrill. :)

2011-04-04T02:07:00.000+08:00

So he called me. I was all excited to hear his voice but he sounded like he's mad at me. No 'goodnight' or whatever. Sedih bulu sia. :'(

2011-04-03T16:04:00.001+08:00

I miss this man. Ugh that double chinz fatty bom bom. :P
I tried calling him, you know. Sometimes it's engaged and when it is, I started thinking things that makes me go, "WHO'S THIS BITCH TALKING TO HIM?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." Or "Is he cheating on me?" Yeah. Or maybe it's just his phone. It's a bit spoilt so.... :( And he's always busy nowadays because he's moving and I've been stuck at home for 4 straight days.

2011-04-02T18:07:00.002+08:00

Been eating instant noodles every single day and lesser fruits. Ran out of instant noodles already. No more fruits left. My mum seriously need to go grocery shopping. My diet have been really unhealthy these past few days. No doubt if I'll get sick or some sort soon. Unless if I start changing my diet now.

Also, I showered for you. Nas. (LOL) I really wanted to go and lend a hand but my bitch-ass ezlink card didn't allow me to. And I've got no money left to top it up. I might just do a concession. I feel bad and I hate this. Totally. :/

And I ordered some clothes online. They should arrive here on Wednesday or Thursday. Excited! :D

I MISS MUHAMMAD NASRI BIN SAMAT SO MUCH

2011-04-01T19:49:00.001+08:00

Japan, please blame him.

L.O.L.

This is mine. I don't think the test is reliable though.

2011-03-31T00:48:00.003+08:00

So many questions, so many Why's... There are tons of things I want to say/ask, but I'd rather keep it even if it doesn't make me any happier, even if it does hurts. I have seen that it makes things a lot better between us. I just have to work out how to control my emotions now. Yes, I get hurt everyday but I feel that I have hurt you enough.

__________________________________________________________________

[edit: 3:25am]

I've ruined his day yesterday, and I think I've ruined his day today and it's only 3:25am. I suck. I should die.

[/edit]

2011-03-30T03:49:00.003+08:00

I just don't wanna fight with you. It makes me feel like you're leaving me. I hate seeing you sad/mad. It makes me feel bad. It makes me hate myself. I'd rather be suffering alone than to see you sad/mad.

2011-03-29T04:58:00.000+08:00

Changed the skin and layout. But I still think it's a tad too plain though. I have no idea what else to do with it. Hmm.

Anyway, Nasbby went offline saying he'll be back online and that was like at 2am, but now is like, what, almost 5am? He should be asleep by now, so never mind it. We can't text too. I mean, I CAN, but he can't reply because his phone is already spoilt. I have no idea why am I still waiting for him here despite this drowsiness. I should go off now and hit the sack. ._.

MUHAMMAD NASRI BIN SAMAT, HAPPY 4TH MONTH! :D

2011-03-27T09:38:00.001+08:00

I got home around 8am! I transferred the picture from my cam to my laptop and I thought this picture's nice so I edited it and I wanted the smoke to be in multiple colors but I was too lazy so I only did one color. Lol k bye. :)

2011-03-26T04:28:00.002+08:00

I miss how perfect things were.

2011-03-25T17:20:00.002+08:00

Experimenting. Lol. I have no idea how to use photoshop. :(

2011-03-25T06:53:00.001+08:00

I made this. "Those bitches.."

2011-03-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

This is the wallet that he bought for me at Australia. And I think I like it.

Sighs. I really want to make you happy. I love you.

2011-03-24T20:29:00.002+08:00

There's a voice in my head telling me,

"He doesn't love you!"
"All those posts on his tumblr aren't referring to you!"
"He doesn't truly forgive you even though he said he forgives you!"
"You can't make him happy anymore!"
"He will give up on you!"
"You should kill yourself!"
"He doesn't need you!"
"Nobody needs you!"

I'm starting to believe that these things are true.

But there's another voice telling me to stay.

Confused. Voices. Pain. Hurt. Love. Him.

Black

2011-03-24T02:09:00.002+08:00

2011-03-24T01:00:00.002+08:00

What should I update about?

2011-03-22T22:49:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD. I AM STUPID. I REALLY AM. Of course he's not ok!! Why did I even ask! And how do I make him feel better now! Omg I suck

2011-03-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

It felt so good to have my face buried in your chest, to be hugging you, to be kissing your lips.
I'm sorry for being so clingy. I'm sorry for always wanting to see you. I'm sorry for being so immature. I'm sorry that you have to bear with me and my stupid moodswings. :'(

I can't change.

2011-03-22T08:02:00.001+08:00

I've always thought that talking about music is like showing off and showing off can be annoying, and I try not to be what I think is annoying. :/

Creeper Craze

2011-03-22T07:03:00.002+08:00

Lol. I want at least one of these. One of these costs like $145. IF I CAN BUY A PAIR OF SNEAKERS THAT COSTS ABOUT $125, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS. O_O

Wishlist

2011-03-22T04:12:00.002+08:00

I want these shoes. I want crop tops. I want a flat stomach. I want slimmer thighs.

I saw those Draven flats but I don't know what to wear it with if I buy them. I saw those shoes at the same place and have always been there for about a year already. I think it's waiting for me. :/

Casual

2011-03-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

Would you want to see me wearing these? :)
Okay, not with the Alexander McQueen clutch....

2011-03-19T03:59:00.000+08:00

Because I wouldn't do something he wants me to. Hahahaha. I'll put this right here ok. :)

2011-03-18T07:51:00.002+08:00

Cut my own hair out of pure boredom. Now my hair looks awful. At least I think it is. :/

2011-03-18T04:33:00.004+08:00

You could only tell if you're happy or not during the nights before you sleep.

I've been both happy and not happy.

Happy:

I have Nas.
He got me a bunch of things from Australia.
He texted me twice, telling me his whereabouts and that he'll be back in Perth today.
He told me he'll come online today, most probably at night.
HE'S COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE IN ABOUT 3 DAYS' TIME.

Not happy:

Nas isn't by my side.
He bought too many things for me.
I have yet to go get my cat pencil case and notebook.
I didn't get to skype/talk/see him for the past couple of days.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL ME. But I have still have to understand.

I am aware that most of my posts are about him. But he's in my life so....

2011-03-17T03:46:00.004+08:00

GPOY!!

I miss you, terribly.

2011-03-17T01:45:00.001+08:00

I miss your body wrapping mine just to keep me warm, while I try to go into a deep slumber.
I miss cuddling with you under sheets and talking about everything and anything, with hot chocolate.
I miss having your arm around me while I lie on my side.
I miss how annoying you can be sometimes.
I miss how you would get annoyed by me and complaining how I am so... leceh.
I miss acting like I'm mad at you and then I would try to stay mad at you while you try to get me to talk to you again.
I miss how you would pull my head and you would kiss my cheek so hard until I can't even talk properly.

4 more days, baby. 4 more days.

2011-03-16T01:07:00.000+08:00

I wish I can type/speak good English. I stopped reading books as often as before. I used to read a lot of books and I think that is why I have to wear spectacles now. My favorite books are ruined by little kids. I guess that's why I fucking hate kids. :/

2011-03-15T03:14:00.000+08:00

Lol. He's suppose to go off at 2.30 but we have been saying goodnight until 3am. Yup. He just went off. And I did cry while skyping with him. I just miss him so much.

Me: 6 more days is long seh :(
Him: At least after each day, I'm closer to coming home, bby. I miss you, really. I feel like crying sometimes. Just now, I went to the beach. It was so beautiful, then I thought of you. I wish you were there with me.
Me: OMG STOP.

And I cried afterwards. Haha. I'm such a crybaby when it comes to him. Anyway, I've took a few snapshots of him. Looking at how adorable he was the whole time I webcam-ed with him, it makes me miss him more and more.

He was showing me his teeth and singing the Kodomo toothpaste song.

I can sleep happy now. :)

2011-03-15T00:15:00.000+08:00

I was unhappy for the whole fucking day yesterday (since it's already 12:13am). I find my mum 10x more annoying and not cute at all.

But I feel soooo much better now. He made me happy. :)

2011-03-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

I long for his lips, chest, arms, all of him. I miss him. A lot. :'(

2011-03-14T04:07:00.002+08:00

I suck.

I wasn't looking when I stumbled onto you, must have been fate

2011-03-13T17:06:00.002+08:00

I didn't think I need him this much. I didn't know he was going to be this important to me when I first found him. Don't worry, Sha. He'll be back soon. 'Till then you have your favorite pillow to cuddle with whenever you miss him.

Lol. I'm acting as if he left me. He's only at Australia. I feel like I'm in a long-distance relationship because all we could really do is to go on Skype and video call. And I would eagerly wait for him to go on Skype and then we'll talk for a few hours and I would ask him if I can hold his hand and he'll give me flying kisses. :(

Anyhow, I'm pretty sure he's having a blast there. He told me he can see the stars and the galaxy. And today he's going on for a road trip to see kangaroos! Oh how I wish I can be there.

2011-03-11T20:49:00.002+08:00

BF'S GONE FOR AUSTRALIA! I hope he can go online or something tonight so I could talk to him.

2011-03-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

HI. I AM BACK FROM THE 3D2N PARTEHHHH!

My baby made this! Must save this in my blog. (FULL NOTE)

2011-03-05T03:42:00.002+08:00

in times of Anger, think of the betterment of everyone and how unworthy being angry could be
in times of Loneliness , in your mind you know you are never alone because i will always be there wherever you may be
in times of Extremity, pray for serenity a little clarity and the consequences of extremity
in times of Sorrow, recall the times when one of us was lost, the other would offer a hand to guide and follow
in times of Horror, think of all the challenges we have faced and how you have to always face your fears
in times of Anguish, remember the times we had that were so bright, the love we have which will never be blight
i love you V A L E R I O U S

5 goals

2011-03-05T02:54:00.001+08:00

Lol @ this picture. I was about to fall.

Go to Year 2 in RP
Graduate from RP
Work at A*STAR (Singapore's Agency for Science, Technology and Research) upon graduating from RP
Start saving again
To be able to control my anger and fill myself with more love, so I could love myself more.

Nas Appreciation Blog 2k11

2011-03-05T02:29:00.000+08:00

That's my cutie pie/boncet/wolf/annoying boy. Yes, he is utterly annoying and can be harsh sometimes but I still love him all the same. :)

Today:

Deep-fried popcorn chicken at home
Brought popcorn chicken and
Followed bby go jamming
His friends said my popcorn chicken were nice and finished them :(
Bby sent me home
Played with Tom the fat cat before sending me home

And now he's gone for riding with his friends. :(

5 phobias

2011-03-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

Dentophobia (fear of dentists/dental procedures)
Thanatophobia (fear of death)
Mottephobia (fear of moths)
Fear of butterflies
Walking over drains (you know, the ones on the pathways, the ones that you can see what's below....)

Some of them aren't that major so I guess I'm still normal. :) And I seriously need new photos.

5 Facts About Me

2011-03-02T18:40:00.000+08:00

I fucking love cats
Sometimes, I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
I'm scared of butterflies and dragonflies.
Friendly people can freak me out sometimes
I am not a crybaby. But when I cry, that's when it actually hurts. Or when I'm really touched.

2011-03-01T03:05:00.000+08:00

Romantis lah sangat

2011-03-01T00:36:00.002+08:00

Will do this. Things I need:

Eyeshadow primer
Brown eyeshadows

I've always used foundation as my "primer" lol wtf I need one ._.

2011-02-27T15:07:00.000+08:00

You know this feeling like... You feel hurt, you feel this pain in your chest, but you have no idea why you're hurting. Do you know that feeling? Because I'm feeling like that right now. I feel like shit.

Little Wishes

2011-02-26T02:24:00.002+08:00

Little Wishes by Alesha Valerious

We were friends!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-25T02:12:00.002+08:00

13/11/2010

(I have no idea what the hell was I doing)

09/2010

30/09/2010

I'm afraid of the future.

2011-02-25T00:58:00.003+08:00

Fought with him again. Le sigh~

2011-02-25T00:47:00.001+08:00

I have my eyes set on creepers nowadays. Lol. And the jacket is Alexander Wang's.

2011-02-23T20:50:00.002+08:00

Tonight isn't a good night. Pissed.

2011-02-21T18:18:00.000+08:00

I need a bag like this.

2011-02-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

Hello! I wasn't even able to sit for my Chemistry UT today and I seriously feel bad because I feel like I've lied to my mum. I won't explain why can't I sit for the UT because it's darn lame. But it's got nothing to do with my grades to make me not able to sit for it. Seriously. It's something to do about UTkey expiry. ._.

Some anon said I'm too pretty for Nas. Seriously, anon? I'm not even near 'pretty'. I don't even find myself 'pretty'. Nas makes me feel insecure. I mean, look at him! He looks better than me. :/

2011-02-20T11:36:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why we look so young in here. Or maybe it's just me who thinks so.

Anyway, I just got home. I stayed over at baby's house. Yesterday was so tiring omghrbgwleskdbzv and now my right feet hurts

2011-02-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

Pretense.

The best display sometimes. More than sometimes actually.

It could only affect me, myself and I. I personally think it's for the best because then I won't be able to ruin his mood and eventually ruining his day, even though I'm the only one hurting, inside. But it's fine though. I can handle this. I hope. :/

2011-02-18T04:07:00.000+08:00

As much as I need you here right now, I have to leave you alone. It's what you want.

2011-02-18T02:33:00.000+08:00

Now, I feel so goddamn insecure. But I'm just going to shut up and keep it to myself. Wouldn't want to ruin anything even further. :)

2011-02-16T21:53:00.001+08:00

I seriously don't know what to update about. Help.

2011-02-16T15:20:00.000+08:00

Sick
Didn't meet bf yesterday
Bf gone for graduation ceremony
Want to see what bf's wearing to the graduation ceremony
Didn't go to school for physics UT3 today
On MC today
I suck at L4D2. O_O

2011-02-12T14:46:00.000+08:00

If only he wasn't biting that freaking pick, this picture would've been perfect. D:

Anyway, I fell asleep when I reached home yesterday. My intention was to rest for a bit before going to the toilet to wash up. I fell asleep like a cat for 6 hours straight. 6 HOURS STRAIGHT. DEAD. No waking up in the middle of the night, no dreams, no nightmares. Nothing at all. I didn't even text bby that I fell asleep. T_T

Oh and I skipped school yesterday. Wasn't in the mood to be around people. Was so sad, I didn't even eat. And do you know that feeling when you breathe but you feel like you don't get enough oxygen in your lungs even how deep you breathe in? I get that yesterday and I hate it. Usually breathing in deeply would make me feel like everything's fine for a while. :/ Ok, moving on. I stayed in woodlands until around noon and I head to bby's house because I needed sleep. But when I reached there, I can't even sleep. It was freaking bright too. Lol.

Ok the end

2011-02-11T00:43:00.000+08:00

Am I cool yet? Heheh.

Do you know what this is?

It's for smoking. It's electronic.

2011-02-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

There must be something wrong with me. We have been arguing for almost everyday. Please, somebody, tell me what has gone wrong here. I must've really hate myself that it's starting to take effect in the relationship. :'(

2011-02-10T02:48:00.001+08:00

Photos from Topshop.

I'm not sure if they sell it here in Singapore, but they're all so pretty. Would be nice if I could have these kind but shorts.

Photos from Forever 21.

These stockings are pretty too. Don't know if I should get them together with garter belts. Heh.

2011-02-09T02:00:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is supposed to be the day that I'll be seeing Miss May I LIVE but due to the stupid weather on the other side of the world, they have to postpone. I'm just so disappointed. I got all stoked for this. ._.
Anyway, look at these Converse. They're nothing special but casual;

I know Fred Perry has the same design of the dress but you know, Fred Perry is just too.... I can't afford it. But Fred Perry > Converse. No offense. ._.

2011-02-08T01:48:00.002+08:00

Oh great. I was fucking psyched for it and they just HAVE to postpone it. Fucking weather. I just hope they won't cancel the tour to South East Asia. That would be one of the biggest FML moments I would ever have in my life if they were to really cancel it. I'm giving Iron Maiden a miss because it's just too expensive for me and I can't afford the tickets.

Anyway, Nas did one of the sweetest things he has done for me. It almost made me tear and I kept on re-reading it just to make sure it's real and it's actually for me. It's just so unreal to have someone as amazing as him to love me so much. Please don't mind my face there and, the spelling and grammatical errors in the post. :P
Here's the URL: Click here.

Words can't express how much I love you, Nas.

2011-02-07T09:15:00.003+08:00

It's this coming Thursday. Stoked! Hope they don't suck live. :)
Don't judge me. Lol.

2011-02-06T16:22:00.004+08:00

You know what?

I'M USED TO THIS.

We can do this for a start. The not-talking-to-each-other-but-here-i-am-breaking-apart kind of thing. It's better than talking to you about it. I think.

2011-02-06T16:04:00.004+08:00

I've always thought that someone like me don't deserve someone like you. Look at all the times I've hurt you. I haven't been treating you well and I can't do anything right. You have no idea why I have to feel bad all the time. You've always said that I don't really think about how you feel sometimes, but do you ever think why I have to feel bad and why I've always thought that I'm not good enough for you? If I don't think about how you would ever feel, I wouldn't react the way I did.

Great. You left when I needed you. I guess I deserve this. Or worse. Or the worst.

I'm trying not to cry right now. I'm really breaking inside, knowing you're not there to comfort me or anything.

2011-02-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

I like this picture so much and I don't even know why.

So, I went home around 3am yesterday (or today since it's am). Lol. There goes my ezlink fare. NR costs $4 now. D:

Today's plan:

Meet Imah and Sue at Sembawang at 7pm
Meet Marxie after meeting them. (Not confirmed)
Meet NAS. :D

2011-02-04T04:32:00.000+08:00

I know this picture sucks but yes, he is perfect.

He forgives me for the harshest things I could ever do or say to him. I know I haven't been treating you well but out of all people, you should know me and my condition better. I couldn't even control myself. I'm sorry about everything, about all this pointless fights we've been having. But you and I know that no matter how bad the fight has become, we will always find a way back to each other in the end, like you said. I could never find someone like you, someone who would understand me better, someone who would understand my extreme moodswings. Please don't change. At all.

I love you.

2011-02-03T02:16:00.004+08:00

I should just try to stay away from people whenever I get all outraged, which includes Nas.

Sometimes, I don't even know myself. I don't even know what I said, what I did, what I feel. What's happening to me? What's going on?

2011-02-03T00:42:00.003+08:00

I miss you. :(
I'm craving for some private time, a date perhaps, without any of our friends joining us. We have been hanging out with your/my friends that we lack of private time. I miss you so much that sometimes it pisses me off when any of our friends decides to join us. I don't know if you feel the same way but this is how I really feel. And I strongly hope you don't overwork yourself and be obsessed with money, and neglect your own health.

I need to transfer the money to Upsurge Productions for the Miss May I tickets by tomorrow evening (own deadline), or else the tickets will no longer be reserved under my name. I would've done it today but I was in pain that I had to skip Meeting 3 at school. :(

2011-02-01T09:21:00.001+08:00

Aren't we cute? Heheh. :P

Ok, joke.

2011-01-31T14:13:00.002+08:00

I want this. SGD16. Hehe.

2011-01-31T01:06:00.001+08:00

We've been fighting a lot these days. I'm sorry, it's all my fault. Don't worry on who's to be blamed, I've taken all the blame.

2011-01-31T00:53:00.001+08:00

I may not be pretty, or mentally stable but I want to be that person that in 832584300945320 years' time, you would say, "She was different. She was special." when you look back in time.

I don't know if that line made sense but I'm already sleepy. Goodnight.

Formspring

2011-01-30T18:32:00.001+08:00

Nas asked everybody this on formspring;

everyone in this life has suffered from pain and torment. tell me your worst ones. yes, i am that kpo.

Being left by someone you love and thought could be there for you isn't the worst for me. My worst one was when I was suffering from depression and nobody knows about it. I was left alone. Nobody texted me, nobody called me, nobody cares. I punch walls, I bang my head on walls, I do whatever it takes to translate these inner torment to physical pain. My mum and bro was working and it was on the holidays, so I was left alone most of the time at home. I won't go on describing what it's like during that time.

There's more though, but I'll stop here. I personally think I've experienced too much in my almost-18 years of living. Just name it.

Currently, I'm still fighting depression without depending on anti-depressants or therapy unlike few years ago. With Nas by my side, I think I can make it.

2011-01-29T22:47:00.002+08:00

I am so bored. Omg. There's nothing on my formspring right now. ZzZzZz~~

2011-01-29T19:45:00.006+08:00

I would wear these if only I'm a little shorter. The heel height is about 13cm. :(

I've been wanting this for so long but never get to buy it because I don't have a credit card. And now that I am able to buy it, the site is left with an X-small size only. FML.

Anyway, my Saturday is spent sleeping at home. Lol. Texting Nas when he's in a good mood makes me miss him even more. Big sigh~ He's going for a sleepover at his friend's house later tonight. Bigger sigh~ I miss playing Xbox at RP with him and slapping him and shouting at him not to cheat when he's actually not. Lol.

I want to get some leather shorts, long sleeve tees and thigh high stockings.

2011-01-28T15:58:00.000+08:00

Not a single soul has viewed my blog for like half of the day already. Meaning, for 12 full hours!! I'm such a boring person, I know. Don't have to remind me.

2011-01-28T11:23:00.001+08:00

I need this maxi dress in my life.